An Educational Six Months

It's been six months. Six months?! Wow, well I'm not dead, though some people may or may not want me to be. Time for an update.
Six months ago was August 29th, which was right around the time I decided to start a relationship and try opening myself back up to all the aches, pains, and other fun times that come with a relationship. Everything seemed to go just right. All the while, a nagging feeling in the back of my mind was saying that it wouldn't work out like I had hoped. I went with it, anyway, dismissing the nagging feeling as just myself being scared to go into another relationship. There were many reasons to start dating her and, so far, one or two reasons not to. One of those reasons grew bigger and bigger as time went on, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
The semester was typical to any semester at BYU-Idaho, with a few variances. I was learning how to condition someone for an endurance sport (e.g. a marathon, triathlon, the Tour de France, "Cross Fit" competitions, etc.), how to feed them properly, even how to administer first aid to them (or anyone, for that matter) if I found them stranded at least an hour away from professional help. Indeed, I became a certified "Woofer" (WFR: Wilderness First Responder) and have a nifty little card saying so. As a side note, Wilderness First Aid was one of the best, most fun, yet scariest classes I have taken to date. Anyway, I was trying to remain studious while maintaining a relationship and not skimping on my church calling as the Ward Family History Consultant. Sad to say, all during the time I was trying to juggle the three, there wasn't a time I was reaching down to pick up at least one of those things. At least I earned good grades in my classes.
The relationship went well, and at what felt like, at times, break-neck speeds. By the end of September we were talking about marriage. I remember that night clearly. We had just spent some time with some dear friends of mine in Nampa, which is a 5-hour car ride from Rexburg. The entire ride home was sans music and was filled with good conversation between the two of us, her and me, that was punctuated by brief periods of silence in which one of us was hesitant to drop any bombs like the "L word". It wasn't until we got to her doorstep that the topic of marriage came up. After a day or two, the decision was made to go for it. There's that nagging feeling again.
 "Shoo! I'll show you!" 
Everything became that much more exciting, yet there were times that I didn't quite feel that way. Normalcy in a relationship. We were officially engaged about a week after a first and somewhat awkward phone conversation with her father: October 12th. In order to not bludgeon you to death with every little detail, it's sufficient to say problems began to arise. Another side note: there will be no assigning of blame to any one party in this; as they say, "It takes two to tango." There was no true resolution to be had after six months, the nagging feeling had been growing more constant and intense. It weighed on my mind much like my feeling to end the last relationship. Not a good sign. There was much effort by way of prayer, fasting, scripture reading to help clear the water. I attended the temple, a place of sacred worship and a refuge from the tumult and distractions of the world, with my concern. That was it: it was over.
I called her up the next day after mustering about as much courage as could be mustered at the time. It happened to be at an unfortunate time and I tried to delay, but she was insistent. So I broke it off with her during a 2-hour break that she had at work. It was a short conversation that didn't even last a minute. The real conversation came the next day. Under an onslaught of angry, sad, hurt, hurtful words, failing attempts at comfort, and frustrated silence the conversation made it's way to an end. It seemed to go much like a conversation we had about two weeks earlier where I attempted to end the relationship but backed out of that endeavor; coming away from the conversation feeling manipulated; I was wrapped around her little finger. I'm not proud, nor do I have any satisfaction in saying it, but that's the way it was.
So that's it. It's over. I'll never see her or her family again (unless one of them decides to do something physically drastic to me or we unintentionally cross paths). I will also never see the ring again because of its use in helping fund her mission, nor my beloved Puma jacket as I was informed of its use as a target for at least her and her father's guns. 
I have confidence in my decision and have received lots of support. It wasn't easy, it still isn't easy, but I just keep plugging along in life. I won't guarantee frequent or even regular posts in this baby, but I'll make a contribution every now and then. I hope this explains things a little further for everyone.

Final Countdown

Wow, I'm sorry to anyone who might still be interested in this blog. I remind you, however, that at the beginning of this, I mentioned that I would update whenever I felt like. Well, it's more like whenever I could this semester. It's been a busy one, for sure! Projects, tests, preparation for finals, and the like have dominated my life these last couple of weeks. Granted, I have had time for fun, and I've taken it! I went to Yellowstone with a small group of friends on the 7th, which was great. I didn't really take any pictures with my camera. My friend, Ronnie, was the camera-bearer for this trip and I'm expecting the pictures to appear sooner or later on Facebook. I was the wheels for this trip, and I got a nice case of "trucker's arm." My left arm was darker, redder, and had a more definite tan-line than my right (and still is, but not so much anymore).

I hope everyone had a great Independence Day! Mine was considerably different than all other years. I had failed to make any plans for the day and nobody I knew had invited me to partake in their plans, so my day was basically spent doing homework until about dinner time, when I went and shared a semi-traditional meal with an old roommate of mine. We then played games and watched a bit of the movie, "Independence Day"-what a classic! Anyway, I made my way home, took in a beautiful sight of the moon and the temple, saw a few fireworks off in the distance, and prepared for the next day.

Moving on, today is a day to be marked on the calendar. Today, I gave my first talk in church since I got home from my mission on June 4th, 2008. It was on preparing for the temple and a copy can be reproduced upon request. I don't feel like it's all that great, but people seemed to have enjoyed it. I was even quoted in Sunday School, which is pretty flattering.

Now my thoughts venture out for this final week of school. Finals, finals, and more finals await me alongside white glove clean checks and a final project presentation. That's not all, however. I will be going to see the midnight premiere of the newest Batman movie, "The Dark Knight Rises". I'm really excited for it! I'll have taken my very last final about 3 hours before and it will be a great way to celebrate. Then, to further celebrate a mostly-successful semester, I'm going to go hike Mt. Timpanogos with some family on Saturday, which will be really nice as well. It has been a few years since I last went, and I'm ready to go again!

Anyway, life is wonderful, despite what some people think, and I'm for more of it! I'll be home by Friday night, and then starts the seven weeks of good times.

Midterm Happenings

Day of, after classes

Today

 So here we are, another adventurous blog post to be read. Yep, that's pretty much how it is....My life, from an other's perspective probably looks pretty boring. I eat, sleep, go to school, and do homework. I play Ultimate Frisbee twice a week and soccer about once a week. In case you're wondering, this jazzy-looking doohickey on my ankle is not from either sport, but from a class. My life really isn't all that boring. It turns out that clogging can be quite dangerous, hence the nice signature my clogging shoe left. It's important to know where you're putting your feet at all times. What happens if you don't? This nice pictures give you a clue.

The story is quite ordinary, actually. We were learning a new step and I lost focus (and balance, apparently) just long enough to put the heel of my shoe down along my leg. It did bleed, though not profusely and I didn't have anything running down my leg-even with all the up-down motions and stomping and whatnot. My favorite story about it was made up on the spot to an apartment visitor. Essentially, I had them convinced that the squirrels around here can be quite vicious. I came clean, of course.

Moving on. This last week I went and saw Bill Cosby, in the flesh! I thought I was excited the week leading up to the show, I thought I was excited the night of, going into the auditorium, I thought I was excited. Then he came out on stage and I was excited! My friend and I were laughing so hard, we almost fell out of our chairs. Some embarrassing noises issued from us as we continued to laugh after our ability to breath left us. He had us a little worried at first, because the man is older than we remember him. I think the last time I saw him was on his TV show. I should have figured that he ages just like any normal person, but I didn't think about it. He's still as funny as ever, though, and I loved every minute of that show.

Anyway, those were the highlights lately. The weather's been bipolar, 87 degrees Fahrenheit and sunny one day, 60 degrees and rainy the next for a day or two after that, getting really nice only to drop down and be testy all over again. I survived all my midterms, thankfully. School couldn't have cared less if I could handle what I was being dished out or not, but that's no surprise. We usually rise up to the occasion, anyway. Now one of my biggest things is getting in contact with a professional athlete to interview for my Advanced Sports Psychology class. Yeeha for that.

Memorial Day Weekend Photos

As promised, here are some photos from my weekend in Driggs, in no particular order.

This was the view from the back of the guys' cabin when we first got there.

We visited a cemetery to pay some respects to family and saw a lot of these from the Spanish-American War.

One of my favorites from this trip: He's out like a light.

The little pond behind the cabin.

Watch for moosen in the woodenisn

Another view of behind the guys' cabin.

In front of the guys' cabin.

Watching tennis. The bear's name is Honey.

The Unbeaten Path

Every so often, I get the opportunity to sit down and truly ponder. In today's workaholic world of instantaneous results and gratification, it's hard to get some decent alone time to just sit and think. I got such an opportunity while nestled in the majesty of the Teton Mountains near Driggs, Idaho this past Memorial Day weekend. The following just flowed out of me, as it were, and I feel like sharing. Here you go, I hope you enjoy it:

We can watch our loved ones move on without us. Indeed, they progress toward their dreams and goals as we remain in our last footsteps, stagnant. What we don't seem to notice (but I say we do, though afraid to confront it) is the path that lies ahead of us. Different, winding out of view, but in the same direction as our dear ones': On. That is where we will go, there lies our future and dare we to traverse such a wild-looking path, endless treasures await us. We need not to fear, we need not to fatigue in the sight of the unknown. Onward now, on to bright horizons and the warmth of a life better suited to us than we can presently see.

Catching Up on Things

It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted in this. I believe this will be the mode of my blog posting for this semester. I was hoping for once a week, but it may just be once whenever I can. These last few weeks have held excitement for sure. Story time!

Story Number One: About two weeks ago, one of my roommates (we'll call him Zeke) came into the apartment in a fit, saying he locked not only his regular keys in his car, but he believed the spare to be sitting in the middle console since he could not find it in his room. A few days later, we decided to break into his car to get his keys back. By this time, another roommate (going by the name of Mack in this story) wanted in on the action. We had a couple of wire hangers, no tennis balls, and even a string. The closest we got was with the wire hangers. Ten-fifteen minutes after initiating Operation Initiate-Life-of-Crime, we were feeling confident, having finally made a little progress against the car. The score was still Car:1, would-be car-thieves: 0. After an hour and a half with two hangers jammed into the car, me on the car roof for better leverage, and Mack ready to execute his string theory of car-jacking, the score remained unchanged. Zeke had disappeared for a few minutes, and Mack and I were surprised to hear his voice coming from the other side of the car announcing that he had the keys. We turned to see him standing in the open door of his car, holding both sets of keys. Turns out his spare was in a different place than he had supposed. A wire hanger found him swiftly, but without harm.

Story Number Two: This last Thursday (the 24^th) was my first Ultimate Frisbee game in the intermediate league. After much begging from a dear friend of mine, I consented to join her team, The Book Club. Yup, that's our name. It is a traditional name for the captain who's been playing under the name ever since he started competing. At least that's how I understand it. Anyway, it was a good game! It was a bit chilly with a slight wind, but nothing we haven't seen before in good ol' Rexburg. I took a few hits for the team, which I like to think helped contribute to our victory. At least I feel cooler for having done so and survived. But anyway, there's nothing like a little friendly smack-talk between players, right? The first play of the game, the other team had the frisbee in the hands of their best player. I was guarding him and tried to block a pass, but ended up hitting his arm after the fact. He sternly warned me to “watch [my] hands.” The next time I was guarding him, I totally stuffed his pass and said, “I was watching them that time.” Sure I was a little smug, but he hardly said a word to me after that. As a result of the pass-stuffing, my right index finger was tenderized. He had a pretty mean throw, after all. All said and done, we won, and it was well-deserved. Both teams worked hard: it was a close match with a final score of 9 to 8, but we had more heart, I would say. Now to continue building the team's confidence by winning more games!

Story Number Three: One of my classes is Exercise Physiology Lab. In that class we get to do a lot of different tests and whatnot. We've done muscle endurance/strength tests and cardiovascular fitness tests. Turns out I am pretty normal for a guy who hasn't had a solid workout for longer than he cares to remember as far as muscle strength goes. However, I found out that I do have a good heart and am rated “superior” in what's known as a VO2 max test. VO2 max (with a dot above the “V” and standing for Oxygen Uptake) is essentially dealing with Oxygen consumption during activity. The higher your VO2 max, the better you are in cardiovascular activities. We did a partial test to estimate my VO2max last week and this week did the actual test to get a hard number on it. The actual test involved me wearing a tight facial mask that hooked up to a tube that ran to a machine that measures a bunch of stuff like your Oxygen to Carbon Dioxide ratio while I ran on a treadmill. After warming up and maintaining the same jogging speed throughout the test, the treadmill's incline was increased 1.5% every minute until volitional exhaustion (when I decided I couldn't jog any more). I believe I got up to 10.5%-12%. I couldn't really tell because the face-mask blocked most of my lower view (and I was trying to not pay attention and just go). At any rate, the 90^th percentile for men for VO2max (meaning 90% of men in your age-range have an equal or lower value for VO2max) is 51.4. I topped off at 61.59! Yep, I'm pretty awesome, like everyone's always suspected...

Story Number Four: Bill Cosby, the great comedian, family man, and boundary-breaker, is coming to Rexburg June 6^th and 7^th. I have floor tickets to go see him on the 6^th. I'm incredibly excited to be going. End of story.

At any rate, this post is long enough. Pictures will come soon, I promise! Hopefully I'll get some good ones from this weekend. I'm currently in Driggs, Idaho, which is nestled in the Teton Mountains, with a bunch of friends from school. It's really nice up here. We have two cabins that we're all staying in and it feels pretty isolated in the mountain forest. Such a nice change of scenery.

As a closing note, this is Memorial Day and I hope that every observes it as such. I always feel such a great swell of gratitude and respect for the men and women who lay their lives on the line for us and a better tomorrow. May our prayers be with them and their loved-ones.

Anyone Say Differently?

Hello and welcome to another bout of blogging by your very own, Steven Brown. I know I said there would be at least one more blog post from last semester, but that never made it past an unfinished compilation of jumbled thoughts collecting virtual dust in the “Drafts” archives. I posted it, unfinished, and that's just going to be that. As for those “job woes,” I had a fantastic off-track semester, work-wise. I went back to working for Hand and Ortho as a PRN Technician. Essentially, I was like a mercenary tech. If another technician (AKA aide) needed someone to cover a shift, they could call me. If a team felt like they needed extra help, they could call me in to work with them. I had steady hours at our South Temple clinic, but those accumulated to about 13 hours/week and I needed more work to gear up for another semester. I ended up working more hours than some of the “regulars” did. I even got a little overtime some weeks, which was quite nice. It's nice when you've worked with every therapist in the company except for two. That is a total of twelve therapists, for those who were curious. That's twelve different styles of handwriting (ranging from legible to ancient, forgotten languages), twelve different ways of doing things, almost twelve different names for each and every exercise/activity/procedure/etc, and twelve (divided by four) ways my point has been made. Drowning was not an option. It was still really fun.

Moving on, this semester has had a promising start. What I mean by that is that it's promising to not be the best one ever. Let's see if I can't make it break that little promise, shall we? So far, I have not found any sort of groove for doing school work and that leaves me wandering through the mire of assignments and lessons rather aimlessly; just barely slogging my way through to the next day. That, my faithful readers, is no way to live. The good news is that winding path I've thus forged is providing guidance for what kind of groove to establish. Live and learn, as the adage goes. Still, the most stress-reduced way is to have that groove right away and then maintain the discipline to stick with it. I guess that's not how life is supposed to go, though. We fine-tune ourselves through pushing through the muck and mire that lays before us. Why can't it be a nice meadow or something more often?

I had the recent experience of a long-lasting relationship (who-me? Never!) which terminated after surviving the whole long-distance thing. It was surprising to me that it had lasted the 4 ½ months of being spread over a couple of states considering all previous long-distance relationships went sour after about 2, give or take a couple of weeks. I have felt God's hand throughout the entire process and didn't always follow, I'm sad to say. But, at the beginning of this still fresh semester, I could not ignore what I knew had to happen, so we met somewhere as a pair and left as individuals one stormy night. It didn't make sense to me why it was to last so long being apart only to end the day after seeing each other again, but as I go along, I'm given understanding little by little and only as much as I need to know. I think sometimes we forget just how true Wesley's statement really is.

It's interesting to note, though, that we, like trees, cannot grow strong and sturdy without opposition and pain. Just a little something from the most recent CES Fireside.

On the flip-side of that, life isn't just pain: it's full of wonderful things as well. For instance, my birthday is coming up soon, isn't that something? I don't care who you are, a birthday should be a wonderful thing! Anyway, I'm sure everyone can think of at least 25 things that make life worth living, and then go on with the list. So instead of going on and on about it, I'll just let you all conjure up that list if you so desire. It's a good exercise, anyway. I learned in my statistics class that people who record at least five things they are grateful for every day tend to view their quality of life higher than they would otherwise. It was statistically proven to me...through one study...imagine that.

Anyway, it's time to just post this one, as-is, also. It was supposed to be posted on the 26th of last month...I'm slowly getting into a groove of sorts so I will be able to fit this into my weekly schedule and you will have regular blog posts again. Makes me wonder if people are still reading this nonsense.